World Bipolar Day: My Journey, Our Community, the Light We Carry

Author: Xiaojie Qin

Time: 30th Mar 2025

World Bipolar Day

(this article was edited by Deepseek)

The Day I Heard the Words

It was 2012. I sat in that public hospital office, weeks of whiplashing between crushing lows and frantic highs piling up behind me. I knew something was wrong.

When the doctor suggested "bipolar disorder," my first reaction was bewildered amusement. What a fancy term, I thought. I never heard it before. It sounded almost glamorous — certainly not like something that could explain the storms inside me. That detached reaction, I now realize, was my mind's emergency exit. If I could suppress my curiosity and minimize the shock, maybe I wouldn't have to feel the icy finger of fear tracing my spine when she mentioned therapy, medication, and countless hospital visits. The thing was, I didn’t even trust the treatments in that hospital who had nothing more than medications to offer.

"I'll be fine on my own," I declared — to myself, to the universe. Now, looking back across a decade, I recognize that moment for what it was: not defiance, but terror wearing hope's clothing. The kind of hope that isn't hope at all — just a placeholder until you're ready for the real work of healing. 

When you fail to face it, life finds a way to force your hand. After an even deeper depressive episode — one that left no room for denial — I finally began the long-overdue work. But I did it in my own way: not alone in a psychiatrist’s office, but by gathering others alongside me. In a twist of irony, my hypomania became an unlikely ally, fueling the reckless courage needed to act on ideas without overthinking. That’s how CandleX  was born in 2015 — not from polished plans, but from the storm itself. 

A page in Syzygy book by Pere Ibanez

Breaking Silence with Portraits and Stories

I remember that CandleX’s first mental health peer support group vividly. Seven or eight people showed up that evening, and what surprised me most was that over half of them were living with bipolar disorder. For the first time, I wasn't alone in this experience. Over the years, that group became something sacred - a confidential space where people could share their struggles and discover unexpected strength in each other's company. 

But I came to realize that real change required moving beyond those safe circles. Stigma, after all, thrives in darkness. So in 2016, I created MoodLaB - a bold attempt to shine light on bipolar disorder through portraits and personal stories. I'll never forget my initial fear that no one would want to participate. Yet person after person came forward, willing to be photographed and interviewed with raw honesty. Their courage still moves me deeply. 

What began as a simple photography project soon breathed with its own heartbeat. Over five transformative years, MoodLaB blossomed beyond our walls — into stereotype-shattering workshops, photo exhibitions that crossed oceans to spark dialogue, and ultimately an award-winning book by the artist Pere Ibanz in collaboration with us on bipolar disorder. But the memory that still glows brightest for me is our community panel at the Camera Stylo launch event, the early summer in 2019. There, in one radiant collision of energy, photographer Pere Ibañez, my good friend and enthusiastic supporter of what I do, Helena as the panel discussion moderator, psychologist Dr. Theo on the panel, Enoch the interviewer and writer of our stories, CandleX's devoted volunteers, the brave MoodLaB storytellers who'd bared their souls before our lenses, and our support group's most active members — all gathered as witnesses and creators of this movement we'd built together. 

The electricity in that room — the tears, laughter, and nodding recognition — captured everything I dreamed of when I first imagined MoodLaB: not just raising awareness, but forging real human bridges where before there'd only been silence. 

The same year, we partnered with My Therapist 简单心理 for psychoeducation articles, and we’ve done quite a few talks and workshops on bipolar disorder in the community and in schools in Beijing. In 2021, I Interviewed a Chinese woman, Kelly, hospitalized for bipolar, her story smashing cultural taboos

Every step of our effort was guided by three principles: authenticity, honesty, and strength. We didn’t just "raise awareness" — we proved that living fully with bipolar was possible. 

Photos from CandleX’s various MoodlaB events

From a Patient to a Therapist

Years after that day of sitting in the psychiatrist’s office, I became a therapist myself. I would sit across from clients asking the same questions I once asked: will I ever recover completely? My answer is always the same: recovery isn't about erasing bipolar disorder — it's about learning to work with it. Those intense emotions, that boundless energy, the crushing lows — they're part of a spectrum that can be both superpower and setback. The goal isn't to "fix" ourselves, but to understand these forces well enough to steer them. 

The work isn’t over. But look how far we’ve come. 

Today, on World Bipolar Day 2025, I celebrate them. I celebrate us.