Psychotherapist, Director of CandleX
April 2024
On long journeys, our hearts yearn for clarity,
hoping to find answers that guide our way.
May these travels enlighten our minds,
and bring us closer to the truth we seek.
As poetic as it is, many of us returning home disappointed with the fact that clarity seems to be just in other people's stories. As someone who happen to have both successful and unsuccessful experiences, I know traveling, this act it self, doesn't bring clarity. what's missing in that equation?
I want to attempt to answer that question reflecting on my most recent trip in Brazil in March 2024.
I went to Atlantic Forest in Brazil and stayed in the raw tropical jungle for about 3 weeks, disconnecting from the unnecessary stimuli in the city. During this time, I gradually regained the sharpness of my senses. The serene mind and grounding experience of being one with nature in the wilderness revitalized me to the extent that I felt lighter, more at ease and whole, and more joyful.
Upon returning home to the hustle and bustle of Beijing, a megacity, the first two weeks after coming home have been particularly challenging. I did not feel as though I had gained any clarity, and instead, I encountered a significant amount of confusion in trying to comprehend each day as though something doesn't feel right. Prior to my trip, I had a daily structure and underlying principles that drive my days forward with a momentum. However, post-jungle trip, I feel even more uncertain about certain things, let alone the ambiguous things, which has led to frustration, confusion, and even a sense of defeat.
As someone who is accustomed to getting things done quickly, I know that I must resist the temptation to return to my normal working schedule despite the urge to do so. Fortunately, I have a supportive boss who trusts me in always trying to best at work, and that boss is me. I continue to remind myself to do less than what I expect of myself until the confusion fades in its own time. Oh, the irony! Did it not take years of practice to simply learn to PAUSE? A pause after a relaxing jungle trip? Yes, indeed!
In that disorienting space, I finally began to comprehend that the foggy feelings I am experiencing is an essential phase for integrating my emotional jungle experience into the logical mind that dictates my schedules and activities that make up my life. I have always held the belief that our body and mind possess the incredible gift of syncing with each other, allowing us to evolve into the next version of ourselves. However, this evolution cannot occur unless we take a pause. Kinda like a you can not use your phone when new software is being installed. We must learn how to pause, and most importantly, to be brave enough to pause, and the magic will ensue naturally.
Two significant turning points in my career occurred after extended revitalizing rests in Thailand and India. Both times, I embarked on a path that didn't know that exist. Actually they did not exist. I created those paths for myself, not right away after my trips, but months and months after my trip. Did I know I was creating those path. during those months, I didn't. I simply slowed down and give up finding solutions to issues, and start devoting my energy in areas that I feel called for, aka, what I want to do.
Looking back, the dots all align. As Steve Jobs famously stated: "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards." He described a phenomena with such precision. I can not agree more. We can not THINK about what we want. We can not use the logic mind to fix a problem that the logic mind creates in the first place. Therefore, we must pause, take a significant, daunting pause. Allow yourself to see the world through the eyes of your heart, and wait patiently. As time passes, clarity will emerge in your vision.
Deep within my heart, I know that in the coming months or even longer, things will settle into their rightful places, and if I remind myself to pause, they will find even better places. I have experienced this before, and I will again. So there it is. Have you grasped the concept? The other half of the equation is pause.
So, pause.
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