CandleX's 10th Year Anniversary | Xiaojie's Reflections

Xiaojie Qin

Founder and Director of CandleX

Beijing | March 2025

I woke up today and realized that in just 10 days, CandleX will celebrate its 10th anniversary. Ten years — it’s a milestone that deserves reflection, celebration, and pride. Yet, if I don’t pause to acknowledge it, it feels like just another day, another routine of doing and doing. But today, I sat in a vibrant café on a sunny warm spring day in Beijing and I am thinking to myself: CandleX has been a part of my life, and the lives of so many others, for a decade. 

Typing away while drinking coffee

Kindness Matters, So does Money

The past few years have been a period of significant change, both for CandleX and for me personally. One of the most profound shifts has been the development of a commercial arm for CandleX. This journey has forced me to confront my own relationship with money — a relationship that has been shaped by my upbringing, my career choices, and my values. 

Growing up, my family’s motto was “don’t be greedy.” The idea that taking is bad was so deeply ingrained in me that I didn’t even realize it was there. I remember a moment from my childhood when my aunt, visiting from Japan, took me to a supermarket and told me I could pick anything I wanted. I was thrilled and grabbed some snacks, only to have my mom take them out of my hands and put them back on the shelf, saying, “We have enough. Don’t take them.” That moment stayed with me, a small but powerful lesson in restraint and modesty. Along with many childhood experiences, I learned that money’s ‘not good’.

This mindset followed me into adulthood. In university, when I became president of the English Association, I organized a campus-wide event with a panel of teachers and entrepreneurs. I had no idea how to secure funding — it felt impossible. Why would anyone give money to a college association? But luckily, a teammate stepped up and secured the funds. I remember the joy of organizing the event, the thrill of being on stage as the MC, and the surprise at how naturally I took to public speaking. Still, the idea of asking for money felt foreign to me. 

After graduating, I worked in the NGO sector for a decade, always in program roles where money was someone else’s concern. I was drawn to the mission-driven work but often felt frustrated by the influence of donors who seemed disconnected from the realities on the ground. When I founded CandleX in 2015, I registered it as a company but ran it as a nonprofit. It was all I knew, and it felt right. I had no intention of making money; I simply wanted to do meaningful work. 

The Forced Change

For years, this approach worked. I’ve always lived a minimalist lifestyle, finding joy in things that couldn’t be bought. But life has a way of challenging our assumptions. A few years ago, I left my full-time job and had to confront the reality of making a living. I struggled with the idea of charging for my services — yoga classes, mental health programs — because it felt at odds with my identity as someone who valued volunteering and generosity. But I realized that if I wanted to continue doing the work I loved, I needed to find a way to sustain myself. 

This shift wasn’t easy. It required me to rethink my relationship with money, to understand my value, and to navigate the complexities of pricing and negotiation. I took online courses, practiced visualization exercises, and used one-on-one coaching to help me feel more comfortable when talking about money. I reminded myself that even if I were a billionaire, I would want to invest in people who are doing great work out of love and care — people like me. Slowly, I began to see that charging for my work wasn’t a betrayal of my values but a way to ensure that I could continue giving back. 

This journey led to the creation of CandleX’s commercial arm, where we now offer workplace mental health consultations, workshops, and seminars, while continuing to provide community-level services. It’s been a balancing act, but one that has allowed us to grow and sustain our mission, and for me to live a decent life like everybody else. I am deeply grateful to our partners and corporate clients who have placed their trust in us. Though we may not be the biggest organization, their belief in the passion and quality of our work has been a driving force behind our ability to continue making an impact. Their support has not only sustained us but also affirmed the value of what we do. 

Xiaojie 2024

The Balance Act: Alignment of Personal interests and Needs of the Community

The past decade has also seen significant changes in our community programs. I’ve always been drawn to creating unique services — not for the sake of being different, but because I’m sensitive to the needs of our community and willing to take risks to meet them. One example is our loss and grief counseling program, which I started six months ago after experiencing the deaths of friends, acquaintances, and all of my grandparents within a short period. These losses forced me to confront the impermanence of life and the inevitability of aging. Holding space for others who are grieving has been deeply healing for me as well. 

Our coaching program, led by a long-time team member, Sharon Liu, who transitioned from editor to coach, is another example of how we’ve evolved. I believe in creating a platform where our team can continue to grow, and I cannot be happier to support our member in their own personal growth. At the end of the end, it’s about finding alignment of the people’s personal growth, organization’s growth and the ever-changing community needs. At CandleX, we believe in the power of storytelling, and so many community members joined us and written their life stories on our “Community Writings”. In a world overwhelmed by information and AI, we focus on the irreplaceable value of human stories. Through mentoring and coaching, we help people piece together the fragments of their lives, creating a fuller, more coherent narrative. 

Our teen programs have also grown significantly. What began as the Teens Open Letter project in 2020 has expanded into a three-stage empowerment program that provides year-long mentorship and opportunities for teenagers to share their voices in workshops and consultations. 

And then there’s Project A (although it’s not a project of CandleX), which I co-founded to support survivors of abusive relationships. I started to pay attention during the time that I was the facilitator of CandleX Mental Health Peer Support Group, when over the years, a few women in abusive relationships came in and seeked support. I wish I could do more than just empathic listening. Years later, as I started my own journey as a therapist, the right time came and I supported our Beijing community by providing group therapy for women who are recovering from their abusive relationship. It’s been incredibly rewarding to see the impact of this work. 

Faces Behind the Scene

None of this would have been possible without the incredible team that has stood by me for years. Despite the fact that we are spread out in different parts of the world, we are united by CandleX. Leslie, our graphic designer, joined us as a teenager and has stayed with us through her moves, college, and growing into a young adult, about to finish college. Sharon Liu, who started by helping us redesign our website, has grown into an editor, writer, and coach over the last five years. And Summer, our quiet and constant coordinator, has been with us for over six years, assisting me in keeping everything running smoothly. 

As I reflect on the past 10 years, I feel immense gratitude — for the team, for the community, and for the journey itself. There have been moments of doubt, growth, and transformation, but through it all, CandleX has remained a beacon of hope and support. Here’s to the next decade, and to continuing to make a difference, one story at a time.