Author: Xiaojie Qin Time: 2023 If consistency requires tremendous effort and self-discipline on your part, you might not be pursuing the right thing. Just as your stomach doesn’t require your conscious effort to be consistent about eating, your mind inherently knows what it wants and desires. Therein lies your potential for fulfillment and loving your life. We have collectively been starving our minds for so long, and we over compensate with self-discipline. If you dare, for a moment, set aside the goals, the endless pursuits that have gotten you to this place of disliking yourself, not enjoying the things you do. Try stopping. It's unthinkable, I know. It requires courage. But when you get through that intense fear, you will meet the passionate and life-loving you on the other side. When you let passion fuel your consistency, you will tap into that unconscious flow. Find your effortless consistency. “What I admire about you is that you can do one thing over and over again, to the point of excellence for which you are paid”. My friends say this to me sometimes. I have never spent as much time enjoying hearing this as I should. There’s always a part of me that tells me to be humble, a part of me that has the ‘imposter syndrome’ and shuns compliments, and a part of me that doesn’t know how to respond to them. Today, I decide to take a different approach- a proud one. This summer, just out of the blue, I started recording yoga videos after 10 years of regular yoga practice. In just a couple of months, I’ve recorded over 40 videos in different parts of Beijing, and in multiple other countries. I wouldn’t call it ‘hard work’, despite the fact that it required me to get up around 5am on many days and get to the location before security guards start working. My casual summertime yoga videos amounting to 40 surprised me. I never really count the numbers. I simply find myself consistent with the majority of the things I do in life, including my work with CandleX, my hobbies as a dancer, yoga practitioner and teacher, my meditation practice, etc. I always find the concept of ‘hard work’ to be problematic. I invite you to take a different perspective looking at people who can day in and day out do one thing over and over again. Perhaps they also adopt this ‘effortless consistency’ as I do. Perhaps, you may find a different relationship with the things you do. Special thanks to Katie Lai, our newest member of our teen mental health mentorship project , for putting this video together with patience and delicacy. Xiaojie Qin Oct 2023

‘Over the last eight years, I have encountered many challenges both as a facilitator and as the manager of our mental health peer support group . I’ve documented our experiences, trained our facilitators, and brought all our learnings together in creating a manual. I hope that by sharing this with others, more mental health activists can get a better start and do great work in China supporting our very own community. ’ -Xiaojie Qin Director of CandleX Training Details Date: 3rd March, Sunday 2024 Time: 2:30pm-5:30pm Location: Online via Voov/Tencent Language: English Cost: 500rmb, no refund (Subsidies are available for individuals who are unable to pay but have demonstrated commitment and contribution to community mental health.) Registration: please contact Summer. Training Format: The training will be a combination of lecture, demonstration, group discussion, role-play, and hands-on activities. Participants may have the opportunity to practice their facilitation skills and receive feedback from the trainer and other participants. This year marks our 9th year of running our support group in Beijing. Seeing increasing need from emerging community members for us to do more on mental health, we are now providing training to prepare individuals to get on the path of mental health advocates and group leaders. This upcoming training provides practical guidance and knowledge based on accumulated experiences from challenges our facilitators have encountered, ethical considerations, and issues we have had running the support group. We will also go over our internal training manual that outlines the structure of CandleX’s signature program - mental health support group - and the step by step tasks of facilitation. By doing this, we hope to empower more people to get an easier start on creating their own mental health groups and projects in China.   Who Should Attend: Mental health professionals including therapists and coaches Mental Health Peer support facilitators Community mental health advocates Anyone interested in get on the path of becoming a mental health professional   Learning Objectives: Understand the principles of group facilitation and group dynamics Learn effective communication skills Develop conflict resolution skills Develop strategies for creating a safe and inclusive space for group members Learn about self-care and how to manage burnout   Certificate You will get a certificate from us to indicate that you have completed this 3-hour training. More About the Training Content We created a question bank based on facilitator’s debrief, which we do  and document after every session. Over the years, we have engaged in discussions and mini-trainings amongst support group program team members as well as external experts to answer these questions.   Note: our 3-hour training does not intend to cover all topics due to limitation of time. To make sure that this training is relevant to the training participants, I’d like you to look at the questions, and pick no more than 3 as your own learning objectives. Training Questions Bank Facilitator’s Self Awareness and Management What's your style as a facilitator? What are the self-beliefs that could get in the way of facilitation? What is the skill that a facilitator needs to keep in mind when we are confronted with difficult situations? How to proceed with the session as a facilitator when feeling triggered by a topic that has been or is being discussed? What are the traps a facilitator could fall into when facilitating in a group?  Facilitator’s self-care: there are responsibilities in being a facilitator, as well as benefits of feeling the meaning of life by giving, learning new skills. How do you balance your responsibilities to the group without compromising your own wellbeing? Conflict Resolution Skills How to deal with conflicts amongst participants when happening in session? How to model disagreement respectfully? What should we do when we disagree with our peer facilitators? Group Dynamics Management Skills What general attitudes participants have towards facilitators? How to manage a participant who gives advices when not asked? What to do when a participant is in distress when sharing, intense emotional reaction during self-disclosure? How do respond to situations where a participant damages the progress of the session? How do we know when we need to take that person out of the room? What to do or not to do if there’s prolonged silence in session? Learn how to manage one or a few people who cannot stop talking or who interrupt others inappropriately? Improve the Operation What are the risks running a mental health group, and how do you mitigate such risks? Should the group sessions have a topic or it’s better to offer a topic free space? How do we get people to give feedback more? What negative feedback we’ve gotten so far? how do we improve? How to manage the expectations of participants towards the facilitator? About the Trainer Xiaojie Qin A psychotherapist, the director of CandleX, with more than a decade of experiences working with groups, as a researcher, an interviewer, a group facilitator, a group therapist, as well as manager of such groups. You can learn about her work on psychotherapy by reading Xiaojie’s therapy profile here.

Katie Lai became my mentee last year, as a participant of our Teens Empowerment Program at CandleX. She’s a multi-talented young lady, and the video editor of my article on “Effortless Consistency”. The first stage of the program is on self-awareness and self management, which begins with an article that these teenagers writing about their own life in a reflective and honest way. Katie’s always on top of tasks and proactive. However, this piece took her much longer than I expected. “I hate to admit that it has taken me days to finally begin writing. Mainly because it contradicts with my confrontational and brave persona on a daily basis. It’s partially also because I want to publish and showcase something that would represent me entirely. But mainly it’s because I’ve never really been so candid and cultivated courage to write this down.” -Katie The first step of looking inward to see ourselves wholeheartedly, accept all the different parts of us takes patience, courage and self-love. I didn’t have the opportunity to do it until I was 30 years old. Now, I am just glad that I get to create this opportunity to the next generation, and I enjoyed working on this piece with Katie. I hope you enjoy reading it too. Xiaojie Qin Psychotherapist, Director of CandleX Author: Katie Lai. HongKong Age:17 Time: Jan 2024 In the intricate tapestry of adolescence, my narrative stands out as a testament to the solitary path forced upon me by circumstances beyond my control, admittedly full of rewarding and eye-opening experiences yet at times agonizingly lonely. Hi, I’m Katie Lai, a 17-year-old student studying in Hong Kong with a complex family legacy of a mixture of Chinese mainland and Hong Kong heritage. Next year, I’ll be 18 and have the legal authority to take full responsibility for myself. While the reality of adulthood and the ideology of enforced independence may be daunting, terrifying, and may even seem like a huge leap for most youngsters growing out of their teenage years, I, on the contrary, have only waited on this turning point in life for as long as I could remember because I saw it as an exit pass from my muddled circumstance with grappling with the premature burden of responsibility and fulfilling the expectations of teenage naivety and youthfulness. Following up the years until today, the question 'What made me the person I am now?" was rooted deep in my subconscious, mainly to serve as a keen reminder to be grateful towards everyone and everything around me, but also for self-awareness and reflection. Obviously, there were countless considerable factors and no declarative answer to this rhetorical question. But separation always drew huge attention, specifically when COVID struck. An invisible wall of strict border controls separated me and my family between Mainland China and Hong Kong. It snatched away the opportunity for free mobility and placed a permanent strain on the relationship between my parents and me. The physical separation made us communicate less, share less, and connect less, to the point where most phone calls were made not to hear about my day but to check if I was safe and at home. Admittedly, in some aspects, it allowed us to focus on developing ourselves and minimized distractions of any sort. But what changed me the most was the freedom—with separation came freedom, which I later learned also carried a great deal of responsibility. Soon, I realized that I could not fully rely on my parents for every important decision I made. Frantically, I was pushed into a trial of independence, adapting myself to situations without a parental guide, and being given crucial roles in dictating life-altering decisions. It was tough. I'm sure many could resonate with the sudden pressure imposed on us as teens. The sudden exhausting yet exasperating, almost flabbergasting feeling that one could have so many roles in life and so much to carry on their shoulders at such a young age. It made me doubt and downplay myself. Is the matter at hand really that deep, or am I just over-amplifying the situation? Isn’t this what most teenagers are going through anyway? Time lapsed and growing up in this emotionally self-reliant environment removed the colors of adolescent naivety and immaturity from me, which juxtaposed my peers’ carefree childishness—a quality that I should possess, especially at this age of pure bliss. The separation had propelled my emotional and mental growth but erased my precious naivety. Sometimes I wish I had retained more youthfulness with the help of my parents’ presence and physical support. I wish I had someone who’d always be there to tell me what’s right and wrong, good and bad, but nonetheless, I remain eternally grateful for everything that has happened because ultimately it only pushed me to develop a profound sense of self-reliance and adaptability. On the other hand, with separation, freedom also came with the substantial obstacle of experiencing and getting used to the state of seemingly long-lasting solitude. In the beginning, I detested emerging feelings of seclusion and desolation, as I thought it was a signal of weakness and unnecessary neediness but also a signal of ungratefulness towards the sought-after freedom I had. “You shouldn’t be feeling lonely right now." “Why are you unhappy? You have the freedom that everyone wants out there!” Thoughts as such forever reverberated in my head whenever I felt a tingly creeping sense of isolation. Thankfully, it was not long until I met my group of savior friends who pulled me out of this unhealthy cycle of toxic thinking. Listening to their experiences taught me it was normal to feel lonely, even as teens with parents who are constantly around—aloneness was simply an essential stepping stone to growth. It wasn’t my freedom that created all the ‘avoidable’ loneliness; rather, we would’ve all felt lonely at some point, varying by circumstances. Loneliness and a craving for companionship aren’t signs of weakness or insufficiency but of the natural human orientation and its desire to connect and communicate. I was so relieved to learn that many others also felt the same way I did and provided companionship and guidance when I felt the most vulnerable and alone. Close friendships really brought the color of adolescent delight back into my life. Nevertheless, though separation took away aspects of my life I wished I kept, it has also undeniably provided me the chance to experience the elation of long-lasting connections and allowed me to create my guiding direction for the transition to adulthood. Sharing this publicly and even having the courage to think deeply of separation took persistence and resilience I had not previously envisioned before, and yet what kept me writing was that I’m sure there are countless teens like me silently struggling with this matter. Above all, I hope that sharing my reflection it can induce acceptance of separation; that it is so normal and inevitable; that just like me, so many others feel the same way even under varying circumstances; that ultimately every challenge of separation will always have their hidden glistening gem sparking a source of light towards our path to growth. (All pictures are from Katie Lai)

I am a psychotherapist; director of CandleX. I am also an entrepreneur, a philanthropist, a mentor, an interviewer and a story teller, a mindfulness practitioner, a student of life, and more. I am Xiaojie. Having a therapist, the right therapist, is a big deal. I want to make myself known to you as much as possible so you can make an informed decision. Let’s do it like this: How about you ask me questions about me? You: Where are you from? I was born and raised in Sichuan. I have been living and working in Beijing for most of my adult life, working with various teams of international colleagues that spread around the world. You: Have you always been a therapist? I wasn’t always a therapist. My previous work experience was in program management in major international organizations for a decade. In 2015 I founded CandleX, a local mental health organization, and have been running the organization as the director ever since. In 2021 I co-founded Project A, through which I provided group and individual counseling to people that were in abusive relationships. So, I have ample experience working in multi-layered, large companies. I also have the very different experience of being an entrepreneur facing the joys and pains of starting everything from scratch. All of these have given me first-hand experiences to relate to my clients with similar career experiences. You: What are your credentials, and what clients do you see, where are you, you know, the basics. I am based in Beijing, where I work with clients in English and Chinese, face to face and online. As a therapist I provide individual, couple, family and group counseling. I’ve been a certified level three counselor in China since 2018. I am a registered member of Australian Counseling Association, and acquired ‘master of counseling’ from Monash University, Australia in 2021. You: Who do you work with? People who are making an effort to heal, grow and live their best lives. Adults, as well as teenagers, particularly those from international schools. I work with clients to address a range of emotional and behavioral issues including: mood disorders, anxiety, grief and loss, relationship issues, career stagnation and issues, and personal growth in general. I have in-depth experience working with those who have been in abusive relationships, and am good with clients with bipolar disorder in particular. (Note: Please be aware that clinically diagnosed mental illnesses need medical attention from clinical professional from mental hospitals.) You: Modalities, Approaches, I know therapists have different schools of trainings. What approach do you use? Good question. Did you know that there are over 300 therapy approaches now? Rather than choosing a particular modality, choosing the right therapist is more important - especially for people who are new to therapy. As for me, when I first started my training and practice, I was primarily using cognitive behavioural therapy(CBT) and acceptance commitment therapy(ACT), which is a modality that I was formally trained in in my master studies. It feels natural to me, makes sense to me, and is a popular evidence-based approach. Along the way, in the interest of exploring other ways to work with clients who may find limitations with CBT and ACT, I picked up some other approaches. That is when I started getting my hands on EMDR, Art Therapy, and hypnosis; I believe there are still more that’re on my list to dive into. This combination of skills has made my practice integrative and eclectic. I believe strongly that each client and each issue require a personalized approach. That’s why I work with flexibility, using tools from different modalities to come up with a tailored approach for each client. Me, therapy and the therapy circle As a therapist, I aspire to share knowledge on therapy that I’ve learned through working with my clients. I’d like to express my gratitude towards those clients who have given me permission to share these materials so that we can bring more awareness of mental health to others. My Video Channel on psychotherapy education I want to encourage learning and sharing among therapists. We can learn together, support each other on this professional path, inspire one another to become a better therapist, and more. I provide training to other mental health professionals (including therapists, life coaches and facilitators) on group facilitation, and on building & maintaining mental health professional networks in Beijing. Here are some of my reflection on my work as a therapist: A Note To My OCD Clients | Xiaojie’s Reflection On Her Asthma A Snapshot of Project A’s Group Therapy | The Therapist’s View Psychotherapy on Healing from Abusive Relationships | Group and Individual Therapy If you want to know more about me, you can find out more at these links: CandleX: An organization providing mental health for all: www.candlex.cn My reflections about my life and the world: https://www.candlex.cn/about-our-founder Media interviews: https://www.candlex.cn/press You: Could I have a short call with you and understand your approaches before booking a formal session? In my practice, due to the limitation of time, I do not offer pre-session calls. I hope this article provides you with enough information about me, and I am happy to make answer any additional questions via email. You: How could I book a session with you? You can email me directly at xiaojieqin2020@163.com. Due to my professional boundary setting, I do not add clients to my personal contacts. All emails are replied within 48 hours, and most likely, you will get a reply within a day. I am looking forward to meeting you and getting to know you, especially the part of you that you haven't met yet.

I took Leo Yu, my new teen mentee, to a story night by Startup Grind where I was invited to talk about my startup journey with CandleX. I remember my teen years, spent in school and at home, I always wanted to learn more about the world, the real world. It looks so exciting, adult, and cool. Growing up in the 80s in Sichuan, I could only wish. Now that I'm at a place where I can offer that, I do, to be the adult that makes a meaningful impact on a young person’s life. I love mentoring teens because they are at the age where they can be shaped and hit their potential when they are given the right opportunities. I created the Teens Empowerment Project for this reason. I remember that night, Leo, another team member, and I were sitting on the rooftop, and I asked Leo: what would you be doing instead if you weren’t here for your first task with us? He said: ‘I’d probably stay home and do my homework. This is interesting.’ Yes, life is interesting, and let’s keep it that way. Xiaojie Qin Psychotherapist, Director of CandleX Nov 2023 As a mentee in Candlex’s teen empowerment project, I recently attended the event named Startup Story Night hosted by StartupGrind as a participant listener and an assistant for Xiaojie, the speaker and founder of Candlex, a mental health organization. It seemed as if the challenges and obstacles brought to her never ended, but she continued her pursuit. Listening to her story, as the only teenager in the room, I couldn’t help but feel inspired and relate to her experiences in my journey as a high school student. One challenge I specifically remember and that seems to have long resonated in my mind is the management of money. Hearing the speaker describe her struggle with running the organization she had created that required funds and investments, I have learned the balancing of idealism and practicality. I learned the significance of considering sustainable models, exploring partnerships, and seeking innovative solutions to ensure the longevity as well as sustainability of our business projects. Xiaojie said, “We all have our comfort levels.” The concept of comfort levels reminds us that everyone has their own boundaries and preferences. When starting a business or organization, it should be a crucial reminder that we have our own comfort zone and to work within it. Through this, we should understand our strengths, values, and limitations that could enable us to make reasonable decisions and build a venture that aligns with who we are. She added that “when you do your hobby in a way that others want,” we will soon lose our interest. Xiaojie’s comment highlights the importance of maintaining the personal connection and enthusiasm that we have for our chosen endeavor. I asked myself, what if I’m never ready simply to commit the leap of faith and belief in pursuing psychology as a career? Unexpectedly Xiaojie made another point: “We are and never will be ready.” I was never ready to break free from the chains that peers and relatives fabricated. Still, I was willing to change the current circumstances in which I was situated - lost, unknowning of the future and what I aim for as an occupation. For far too long, I had allowed myself to be confident in the perceptions and limitations that others imposed. I find myself often waiting for the perfect moment or seeking the validation of others before pursuing what I truly want. The weight of familial and peer expectations pressed heavily upon me. I lost myself in the 'role confusion' stage of Erik Ericson’s psychosocial development. Pressures and aspirations conflicted with one another, causing my mental health to degrade. But I yearn for a sense of purpose and direction. As Xiaojie previously stated, I am reminded that readiness is not a destination for one’s success but a continuous process of growth and self-discovery; to be quite honest, it is in the moments of uncertainty and stepping into the unknown where we find the strength and resilience to create a future aligned with our true desires. This is one of the most important takeaways for me during this event. I realized, truly, that I’m under the influence of my peers and parents in the field I’m stepping into, although I sometimes struggle with the idea of whether I should take these influences into account. However, I should take these influences to a certain extent in the belief that some are beneficial while incorporating them into my inner voice, where I observe and answer this situation holistically. Attending this panel discussion has been a transformative experience for me as a high school student. With each step that I take in the future, to forge my path with a renewed sense of purpose and determination, I will continue to honor and challenge my comfort levels by embracing the uncertainty and striving for a future that stands with my values.

Leo Yu, a 16 year old Chinese student attending international school in Beijing, recently joined our teens empowerment/mentorship project this summer in 2023. I took him to the entrepreneurship story night by startup Grind where I was presenting as a guest speaker, with the hope of giving him some idea of what entrepreneurship is about. Not the logistical knowledge on how to start one, but rather the awareness of each entrepreneur’s inner self, both strengths and struggles, and understanding of ‘entrepreneur’ as a manifestation of how we interact with the world. At his age, teenagers are starting to answer the big question. Some teens set foot on the right path, and some do not. Those who do not, are still seeking answers today, regardless of their age. What do I want to do when I grow up? If you are a parent, a college application counselor, a teacher, I hope this #TeensOpenLetter can offer some deeper insights into a teen’s world beneath the surface level, and aid you to work with them better. If you are a teenager reading this article, I hope you understand that the confusion, doubts, pressure, and stress at this time of your life are emotions that every teenager experience. Yet if you find that they are too much for you to deal with, and you start to experience depression or anxiety, don’t forget to reach out for help. School counselors are always there, guiding you through it. Have you met them yet? Xiaojie Qin Psychotherapist, Director of CandleX Oct 2023 Leo Yu, that is my name. As you can tell from the last name, I’m Chinese. I'm currently 16 years old and in my junior year at an international school here. I grew up in an ordinary family no different from any other, with kids entering the world in the mid 00’s capital city of Beijing, China. My mother is a housewife, and my grandfather has been a doctor his entire life. He aspires for the younger generations of his family to pursue the same occupation as him. It was when one of my cousins told him she was going to major in medical management, that I saw a smile on his face that I had never seen before in my life. My dad, on the other side of my family, CEO of a well-known business abroad, also holds his own expectations for me to start a business. As for me, at the age of 16 I question myself, "What occupation should I pursue later in life?”. The thing is at this age, nearly reaching adulthood, teenagers get anxious due to the lessening amount of time they have left to answer to this question. A question that is asked by almost all family, relatives, and friends. It wasn’t long ago in 2022, during my freshman year in high school, when I started pondering what the future holds for me almost on a daily basis. Viewing social media everyday and seeing people starting and booming up with their businesses caused me tremendous stress and pressure. In my view, being an entrepreneur, especially one with an economics or business major, is not such a unique or personal choice since it is the advice that almost every Chinese family provides their children. At the same time, I felt scared about being replaced by artificial intelligence. Or ending up in a job that cannot sustain my desired lifestyle and hobbies (take for example my interest in the rhetoric of English language and literature). I, like many of my peers, was raised with the constant question of what career path we are going to follow. Occupations such as “doctor”, “CEO”, or “engineer’’ are the most common responses that fill our classroom. All of us have, at one point or another, aspired to get a job that offers a lucrative wage; to make a name for not just ourselves, but for our family. My journey towards discovering my career path has been filled with twists and turns, not just from peer pressures, but also the “iron chains” that family expectations put on us, restraining our choices. I don’t know if my parents know that the high expectations they put on their children creates such heavy burden. To be quite frank, I really wish that my parents could communicate with me in a way that differs to how their own parents demonstrated their love. I wish that I could overcome the fear of opening up to my parents, and tell them the way I actually want them advise me when it comes to my future career. Not through common phrases such as: “this is for your own good” or “this is what you really need in the future to live a lavish life.” Rather, I dream that maybe someday I could hear them say: “I'm here to support you every step of the way,” or “I trust and have faith in every decision that you make.” I don’t tell them this because I fear that they might take it as criticism, and that’s not what I mean. I also know that they do what they do out of love. So I haven’t expressed how I really feel in an honest and transparent way. I fear that, if I do, they wouldn’t be able to listen because they already know what they want from me. Do they care about what I want for me? Although this is their way of expressing their love and care, and they do want the best for me - a stable, rich life ahead - I just have to say it all feels just like any other traditional family with kids born in 00’s. I personally believe that what I really need and want is to have my parents’ method of care changed, the tone of their voices from demanding to inviting and affectionate. Ultimately, what I seek is a shift in the way my parents and I communicate as I continue to explore my career path. I aspire to find balance between following my own passions in psychology and mental health, and fulfilling the desires of my parents to the fullest possible and attainable extent. In the end, I hope that my parents can embrace the idea that my happiness and fulfillment lie not just in meeting societal and familial expectations, but in pursuing a career that truly resonates with my passions and values. And so, as I continue this path of self-discovery into the unknown, I remain optimistic that we can bridge the gap of misunderstanding between generations to foster a bond and bridge built on mutual understanding and unwavering support.

Author: Xiaojie Psychotherapist, Director of CandleX Time: Oct 2023 Stepping out of the campus of an international school in Tianjin, I couldn’t help feeling hopeful and inspired by the effort made by this school to improve its students’ mental health. In many schools in China, students are not willing to seek counseling and therapy support from school counselors. One time, I was told that the room where students go to for counseling and therapy is called the ‘crazy room’ and ‘No students want to volunteer themselves to go’. This was a typical description for Chinese schools. Even in international schools, situations are not much better. Growing up in China, I’ve witnessed a significant improvement of people’s attitude towards mental health in the past decades. Working as a therapist and advocate for mental health, I am usually in contact with people who seek my help, my opinions and services. If I am not self-aware, I tend to forget that my experiences are skewed because the majority of people that I work with volunteer themselves to my services. There are many people out there that still cannot talk about mental health, still feel ashamed of feeling bad or going through a hard time. I do not always have access directly to these groups. But luckily, in recent years, there’s a growing number of workplaces and schools that are paying more attention to student mental health, and actively seeking external support to reduce stigma and bring awareness to the very core of being a human: our emotions. An international school in Tianjin is one of them. In Sep 2023, I delivered a workshop to their high school students on campus. Although it’s important to teach students emotional regulation skills, and address common struggles of peer relations, family pressure, academic stress, the school counselor and I decided to first begin by covering the basics of stigma reduction. Only when shame dies, can a person accept themselves where they are, learn emotional coping skills, and seek help. In schools today, even in international schools, we cannot rush into “teaching” yet when the students’ emotional brain is still offline. 90 mins workshop went by quickly. I gave them an chance to anonymously express their struggles and rate them according to the level of stress they experience. We then categorized the submissions so we could collectively see them, thus bringing these topics into the light. We had moments where we addressed the very real, but often taboo topic, of contemplating life and death. I showed them post cards of adults who live with bipolar disorder who I worked with and who joined me to do awareness raising in Beijing. All of these, luckily, help those who struggle in isolation alone to understand that they are not alone. As they wrote in their feedback, this workshop gave them a beam of light that they too, could recover. In my nearly decade-long campaign to raise awareness on mental health, I always talk to participants’ emotional brain, where shame resides. I share stories - my stories, stories of community members, stories of adults or teens I’ve worked with who’ve joined us to share their personal experiences with mental health. I try to create an environment of safe and strong vulnerability that we all need in order to be allowed to feel the difficult feelings, and be okay with to them. We cannot ask a student or an adult to go see a counselor and hope they’d listen by explaining to them why it’s helpful. We must talk to the emotional part of them that resists getting help, even though they may logically think it’s not a bad idea. I admire educators who think outside the box to address mental health on campus, and I am inspired that more and more educators are reaching out to do whole school mental health, in addition to putting school counselors into place. Mentally health students mean mentally healthy adults, and a mentally healthy society means more peace and joy in this world.

In 2015, I organized the first meeting of the mental health Peer support group in Beijing because I couldn't find one myself. Today, it celebrates its 8th anniversary. Consistency has always been a value that I take seriously. I am glad that now, in the year 2023, we see more people offering support, collaborating to provide more coherent services. In these eight years, we have not only provided a space for people who are struggling with depression and anxiety, but also created opportunities for those who want to help the community, want to explore their interest in working in mental health, or who are applying for psychology majors. We have opened up all internal trainings so we can provide what we have learned running the support group to others who want to start their own groups. Last but not least, I'm truly thankful for the trust our community has placed in us along these years. Xiaojie Qin Director of CandleX

We can’t deny that the past year has been quite difficult for the world, many of us are feeling more anxious and stressed than ever before. But luckily, there are ways to fight against the negative effects that we are experiencing ― one of which is through social media. In today’s digital society, we are all spending more time on our phones. Have you ever thought of having positive and uplifting content right at your fingertips? We sincerely thank our followers for supporting us and we would like to invite you all to follow and take advantage of some of the services provided by our partners. We greatly admire the work they have done and the efforts made to positively impact the health and mental well-being of our local community. So, without further ado, here are six official WeChat accounts that could prove useful and enriching: 1. LifelineConnect Established in 2004, Lifeline provides support services online and offline for English speaking people across China. Whether it’s a personal, family, or a work-related issue, a major trauma, personal loss or chronic physical or mental illness, they will listen and support, offering resources and referrals to help and enable callers to take positive steps forward. One of the main goals of Lifeline is to reduce the stigma of mental health, which can cause people to feel ashamed about something that is out of their control and prevents many from speaking out and seeking the help they need. Sometimes all that is needed is a listening ear. 2. Bearapy- Wellbeing at Work BEARAPY is a wellness organizational consultancy and training company with the mission to promote emotional resilience and mental wellbeing in the workplace. Their mission is to make the world mentally healthy. They are a social enterprise that places a priority on social impact over profit and commits to reinvesting in the community to raise awareness, thus supporting the United Nation’s Sustainable Development Goals. Bearapy’s founder, Enoch, had successfully combated her depression a decade ago with the help of a toy bear. Enoch decided to combine her personal and professional work experiences alongside her academic qualifications in psychology to form Bearapy. Her organization seeks to help people become aware of psychosocial differences and to advise companies on how to make their workplaces healthier and more productive with the help of playful therapy training. 3. Art of Connection Art of Connection is the LIFESTYLE brand of The Great Human Connection (GHC). The organization aims to express the beauty of connection in the form of Literature, Vision Art, Performance Art and Artisan Craft, etc. They organize many social activities from mental health and self-care to art related events to help people get to know themselves better, and to discover and become part of a bigger community. The Vision of GHC is to build a digital platform that raises self-awareness, promotes unity, and ignites a desire for individual growth and social connection. 4. Date Night China (DNC) DNC is a digital media platform and events organization based in Beijing. They aim to build a positive community that shares and discusses stories about dating and relationships through articles, podcast episodes, and offline events. On DNC's podcast, guests are invited to share their experiences of dating in China: first dates, bad dates, breakups, intercultural dating, and everything in between. They also have read-in stories and listeners are encouraged to get involved by contributing their thoughts and stories to the DNC official WeChat account. Follow DNC official WeChat account to get the latest information on our podcast series, offline events and articles. You can also find DNC on Anchor.fm, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Pocket Casts. 5. BARE BARE is a safe space for people to be their true self and relate to each other in order to find the support they need to cope with the challenges of the modern world. BARE aims to connect people in safe spaces that allow them to remove their protective armor and share the truth behind the curtain of so-called success. Originally a project initiated by the Global Shapers Beijing in January 2018, BARE’s ambition is to create a movement, where people can listen to each other actively, without judgment and build meaningful relationships. Through conferences, workshops, panels, after work parties, dinners and interviews, BARE provides an opportunity to dig deeper, to increase empathy, compassion and resilience by sharing and listening to our inner selves. Many rarely have a chance to truly explore and express their own internal thoughts and feelings in a safe and nurturing environment like that provided by BARE. We hope BARE will be your first step in fostering a broader culture of strength through vulnerability. 6. BeijingMindfulnessCenter The Beijing Mindfulness Centre is nestled in the hutongs south of the Lama Temple. They offer classes, 1:1 coaching and programs, with the aim to promote, teach and coach secular mindfulness and mindfulness-based practices for individuals and organizations. All facets of life are opportunities to expand mindfulness; happiness and fulfillment are attainable for each and every one of us. A growth mindset, curiosity, positivity, self-awareness, and non-judgment are their guiding values.

Sex addiction is a topic that is not yet openly discussed in the international community here in China. This can be attributed to low awareness, and lack of support, which has in turn led to those who struggle with sex addiction finding it even harder to recover. In order to improve mental health in this domain, in 2023, CandleX initiated Sex Addiction Recovery Project, supported by our partners including Date Night China, Youman Potential, BARE, Fun Beijing, Men are Humans Too, and Hopelessly Tatiana. The project has three elements: survey and understanding of the needs in China, psychoeducation and psychosocial support. In Jan 2023, this month, we have received dozens of responses to our survey from people who opened up to us about their sex addiction, and we will share the result in the upcoming weeks. As of now, we are inviting you to join the Sex Addiction Recovery Group, that will run for 6 weeks starting in mid-February 2023 online for people who are currently struggling with sex addiction. Check out our last article on: what is sex addiction? What is a recovery group? CandleX Sex Addiction Recovery Group will be facilitated by Xiaojie Qin, a psychotherapist and director of CandleX. Through psychoeducation, and facilitated peer support, the group will go through a process of learning, reflection, discussion on sex addiction, your own story sharing and learning of self-management tools to start or continue the recovery. Please note that the relationship between you and the facilitator does not constitute a therapy relationship. The facilitator provides psychoeducation and facilitate the process to ensure group rules are followed and dynamics are managed so the process is non-judgmental, safe, confidential and equal to all members. What will be covered in the 6-week? During six weeks, you will Get to know each other, and develop authentic connections with others Deepen your understanding of what is sex addiction. We will use a sex addiction self-screening tool, and you can track your progress along the way. Share personal stories. look at your experiences in relation to others, what’s the same and what’s different. Understand what format of addiction yours takes place, its frequency and severity. review how it has changed your relationships with yourself, family and friends, and your intimate relationships. Review the onset of addiction, and its progression, barriers to recover in the past and relapses. Develop an awareness of your desires, motivation. Most importantly, identify your own resources and strengths. Learn to regulate emotions through building up emotional tolerance and behavioral changes. You will learn tools that used in psychotherapy, drawing from cognitive behavior therapy, EMDR, Art therapy, Narrative therapy. Develop further steps for recovery and gain access to local resources for your continued healing. There might be homework between sessions as reading chapters of a book, or journaling. All of what will be covered is subjective to change depending on the progress of learning and recovery as well as group preferences. Key Information Participants: adults (18+) who are currently struggling with sex addiction. Gender: mixed group including men and women (see FAQ section for other possibilities) Date: every Wednesday evening, 15th, 22nd Feb, 1st 8th, 15th, 22nd 29th Mar 2023 Time : 19:30-21:00 Via online platform Voov (腾讯会议) Language: English Max number: 8 people each session Fee: 900rmb (6 sessions, no refund) Registration: add summer on Wechat Recovery Group coordinator will reach out via private message to confirm your registration. Group Principles We shall not be held responsible for group member’s safety. If you are experiencing mental illness and are engaging in self-harm or experiencing suicidal ideations, you need to seek clinical mental health treatment. You will find useful information on our crisis page All information shared with the group is confidential. Other rules and key information will be listed in the consent form, which requires your signature as a perquisition to participate. If you have any concerns or feedback of the support group, we welcome you to let us know by emailing it to xiaojie.qin@candlex.cn . About the Facilitator Frequently Asked Questions I cannot attend this time. Will there be another round? We are not sure given that this is a semi-pro bono service from Xiaojie. We strongly encourage you to make time for this one as we cannot guarantee if the next one will be available or if the fee will stay the same. I don’t feel comfortable being in a mix group. Should I still apply? Although both men and women are encouraged to apply, there is a chance that it turns out to be a single gender group. We encourage you to apply, and you can withdraw from it if it turns out to be a mixed gender group. I am worried that the group will be dominated by other people, or others will enforce their ideas and opinions on me. Am I too worried? These are possible when the group is not facilitated well. The facilitator Xiaojie has over a decade of experiences with group work. She’s a positive parenting trainer, facilitated CandleX’s peer support group for 5 years, developed trainings and provide them to facilitators of different levels, and she provided group therapy to abusive relationship recovery groups. Xiaojie would manage any situations that could harm the group to ensure safety, confidentiality and emotional wellbeing of the members. If you have any concerns or feedback during the process, you can also email her directly at: xiaojie.qin@candlex.cn CandleX’s other resources One on One Support with a mental health professional: if you are looking for information about mental health treatments or have a close friend or family member who is living with a mental health condition like depression or anxiety and you want to support them, our Pre-treatment Guidance Program is perfect for that. Mental Health Peer Support Group: it’s an open generic group for people with different mental health issues to attend at any time. Sex Addiction Recovery Project is supported by our awareness raising partners: Date Night China, Youman Potential, BARE, Fun Beijing, Men are Humans Too, and Hopelessly Tatiana.

(Project A is not part of CandleX) In 2021, Megan Purvis, a long-time expat who had lived in Beijing for a little over a decade studying and working collaborated with Qin Xiaojie, psychotherapist and director of CandleX, to found Project A. Project A is an initiative to support people who have left abusive relationships through providing them with access to group and individual therapy. In 2021 and 2022, the project received a lot of support in Beijing that two rounds of group and individual therapies for more than 10 people were completed. In 2022, Xiaojie and Megan were interviewed by China Development Brief. We’d like to invite you to read this article and understand Project A and its services.

Please note: this project was an initiative by Xiaojie and Megan as individuals, and was not a service provided by CandleX. In Beijing, there has always been an unmet need to support women in the international community who were in abusive relationships. Survivors are usually invisible due to the shame, and affordable professional support almost does not exist due to the scarce resources and high costs. Abusive relationships can exist in the form of domestic violence, intimate partner abuse, or even toxic friendships. Many people who are in abusive relationships may not even realize they are in that situation. But for those who do and manage to get out, there is still a long road of healing ahead which may require work with a therapist. Being aware of that and with the goal to kick start the support on this topic, Xiaojie and Megan provided the much-needed support for women who were in abusive relationships to heal in Oct 2021. Project Organizers Xiaojie Qin Title: Xiaojie is a certified psychotherapist and director at CandleX, who provided the therapy sessions. For this project, Xiaojie provided 4 sessions of group therapy and 4 individual sessions for each participant. Megan Megan is an activist for women and is passionate about supporting victims of intimate partner abuse and domestic violence. She volunteers with Female Health Empowerment Network to help women gain access to healthcare resources in China. For this project, Megan co-organized the sessions and was present to support the therapy sessions when needed. Therapy Details Duration: September 25 - October 24, 2021 Number of participants: 4, from 3 different countries Language: English Group Sessions: Once per week for 4 weeks, 2 hours each week Individual Sessions: 4 per participant Total therapy hours offered: 24 hours Fee: 100rmb for each session, both for group therapy and individual therapy How does the Group Therapy Session Work? We had a screening phase to ensure the eligibility of the participants, as well as ensuring the maximum possible outcome of the project. The purpose of the group therapy was to give women the space and tools necessary to begin or continue healing from their past abusive relationships. Survivors often feel alone in their experiences, and group therapy can provide a space for them to connect with each other. Over the course of 4 weeks (2 hours per weekly session), participants shared and reflected on their stories. Based on their individual experiences and their own needs, group goals were established, and Xiaojie provided everyone with guidance and tools to help them adapt their mindsets and behavior. Each group therapy will vary based on the participants’ experiences, preferences, and established goals as a group. The following structure and content were unique to this group and should only be seen as a reference. Week 1: Unpacking the Past To discover where the dislocation is in your bones, a physician may need to press on the point that causes pain. It’s the same for psychotherapy, and participants felt heavy and overwhelmed after the first session. In our first session, group members shared their past experiences with abuse, which is not easy to express. It did allow the therapist to see the roots of some issues they experience now. After this session, participants were reminded that it is important to schedule something fun and/or relaxing afterwards to recover from intense emotions brought up during the first session. Week 2: Group Goals, Defining Abuse, and How Past Abuse Impacts Us Now Many survivors of abuse have a mentality that leaves them frozen in time, including having difficulty trusting others. Children think concretely, not abstractly. They learn concepts of trust and love through their significant caregivers in life. The absence of such modelling can make it difficult for them to know what those look like. It’s as if “you are trying to describe the color green to someone who’s blind.” Participants need to learn to distinguish abuse from common conflicts or unhealthy interactions. We went through the definition of abuse, relating it to their personal stories. People have different histories of abuse, ranging from emotional and psychological abuse to sexual abuse from family members or their partners, all on different levels of severity. The abuse happened to participants of different ages. It is clear to see how that can create a sense of insecurity within a person, and subsequently lead to hypervigilance and confusion in their world views, and their principles setting in interaction with others. We ended the session by leading the participants to accept that these unfortunate events have happened and to allow those events to stay in the past. Group members started to feel more at ease after this and gained insights that they could apply in current or future relationships. You can learn more about abusive relationships in this article: What is emotional abuse? | Classroom Week 3: Exploring Common Ineffective Thoughts and How to Revise Them Instead of having a therapist to participants conversations, the participants were encouraged to ask questions, give each other feedback, and practice active listening and non-judgment. One common psychological inflexibility all members showed was the fusion with their thoughts, as described in acceptance and commitment therapy. Instead of seeing thoughts in nature as changing, possibly conflicting, and not always reflecting the truth, some participants often have self-loathing thoughts and catastrophizing thoughts. The chess on the board metaphor was used for discussion to understand the new approach of observing these thoughts, instead of acting the negative thoughts. Week 4: New Skills to Move Forward in Life It was interesting to see how participants were on different ends of the spectrum of assertiveness. They were a mixture of passive, ineffectively assertive (defensive), and passive aggressive. Understanding where they are on the scale of assertiveness helps the participant to understand how to create healthier interactions when there’s a conflict. In this session, participants completed a role-play exercise to help them see their own assertive style and work on cultivating healthier interaction patterns. Supplemental Individual Therapy Every participant’s experience with trauma and current state of well-being is different. Individual sessions helped participants to work on specific issues that the group did not address. With some, individual sessions focused on self-awareness of their passions and callings in life, and elevating their mood, in addition to re-constructing their life activities to maintain well-being. With others, its individual sessions focused on managing their current burning issues in life. That included more effective and healthier ways to interact with their current partners, or building their self-sufficiency and self-reliance, and how to balance that in relationships. Overall, the feedback from participants was positive. They felt the sessions provided them with great tools for overcoming negative thoughts and behavior. They also appreciated having a safe space to share their stories and connect with others who had been in similar situations. Not feeling alone was important for them. Participant A stated that having the group to interact with and hear from others made her “realize that others also are struggling” and that they could help learn from each other. Participant B said she “learned so much just in those four sessions” and that sharing the experience with other women provided “comfort and support.” Participants also expressed that they hoped these group therapies would be offered more regularly or on a more permanent basis. Therapy should be an ongoing process, especially when there was trauma in the past. Through continued support and work, we can get closer to living a more fulfilled life. Along the way, we need patience, consistency, and continuing work. As a society, I hope we could create more spaces for that to be possible. To get in touch with Megan, please add her on WeChat: meganpurvis Xiaojie also offers discounted therapy for 200rmb/session for those who experience financial difficulty. Please scan the code below for more information.