Nha Trang, Vietnam 27th May 2017 Nha Trang, Vietnam It is a special day today. I have lived 3 more years. I’ve had 3 more years to witness the miracle that life is. Winter in Beijing strips everything down. I saw the leaves leaving the tree. The trunks stand alone in the frozen cold winter. It looks dead, But you know life will return when spring comes. I didn't know I would come back. 3 years ago, during my epic depressive episode, My very much alive body was looking at my dead soul, Day after day. Nothing is more of a torture than When life has buried you and leave you with only breath. Turpan, Xinjiang, China 2017 It wasn’t until this day, 3 years ago, That I realized a tiny part of me didn’t want to vanish. That I asked myself this question, The most important question that I’ve ever asked myself: “What if you just try to live with winter? This winter might be a long one. Another 2 or 3 years if you are lucky. Then perhaps, you’ll come out of it, And live a normal life, Where eating, walking, and breathing no longer take unbearable effort.” I looked up into the sky I said, “Let’s see how that goes.” That officially marked the day that I was no longer suicidal. I still didn't want to live, But I was walking back. Unexpectedly, I came out of the depression 3 months later. Suffering = pain + resistance. I read about it in an article. My suffering was alleviated because I accepted my pain And allowed it to be part of my life. Now, it’s been 3 years And I haven’t had a major depressive episode. Art from Beijing Art Exhibition 2017 For 5 years, I have been practicing mindfulness. It’s still sometimes a struggle to get myself onto the mat But I know to my deepest core That I will need a tank of trust When winter hits. When the wind blows and air freezes I will need to draw from my tank of trust and believe That there will be spring, That the green will come back. So there it is, Days and days of meditation and yoga. No matter how busy I get, I always have this on my calendar, Blocking my time, This is the time for me to calm down. Meditation Retreat with World Peace Initiative, Thailand 2016 In Thailand, during my meditation retreat, My shifu (Luang Phi John) says, “Your mind is like a bottle of water, Everything you think and do Is the ink that you drop in your water. Meditation is the down-time For you to let the water sit Only when you let the ink settle Can you see your thoughts and actions.” Art from Beijing Art Exhibition 2017 We are all busy in this modern day, Some are busy making money, Some are busy with family responsibilities, Some are busy with anything that distracts them with facing just them. For some people, a life has passed without realizing what they’ve done or why they’ve done it. We are busy with everything but filling our tank of trust, That trust in ourselves, Trust in the gifts we are given. At Beijing Art Exhibition 2017 I’ve come to the belief that My life is just a continuation of our ancestors’ lives. We are born without needing to learn how to Get our hearts to pump, Our lungs to breathe. There’s millions of years of life imprinted in our genes. The day we are born We already know how to do it. All of this knowledge comes from our ancestors’ hardships and endurance. Lijiang, Yunnan, China2016 We also inherit their way to happiness. They relied on each other for survival Each person knew the importance of the other Each person counted on another for food and shelter Each person did something for others in the community. Maybe it was a simpler time back then, They made a contribution to keep everyone in the community alive. In return, As part of the community, you stay alive, Happiness is all about survival. Moreover, our ancestors have worked hard towards their vision of a perfect life. Their children have shelters safe from the wild animals, and heat. In fact, we invented air conditioners that make our rooms so cold that you need an extra layer. Their children have food, not just for lunch, but also for breakfast and dinner. In fact, we have made food so delicate and diverse that you are now so picky. Their children have something to magically cure diseases that can take away life by the age of 30. In fact, we now even go out of our way to make a 40 year-old face look 25! And there are now cars, cellphones, and airplanes. It’s beyond their wildest imagination. 3.3 Building Sanlitun 2017 When humans first existed Can you imagine them asking “What’s my purpose in life?” They were born into a world where their contribution was essential: Do something bigger than yourself Was not a mystery to happiness But a way right under your feet. However, now, Many of us are born into a world Where food and shelter is provided. We are never exposed to the environment for our way to be shown. So many of us have to find it, So we ask: “What’s my purpose in life?” Instead of only looking within myself I look back at the history line of millions of years. My sense of self and purpose is imprinted in my genes. Only through bringing more to the community Can we be in touch with the soul. I think “soul” is a carrier. When we align our efforts with the millions of years of collective wisdom Our soul is found. Soul carries the momentum of a history of millions of years. Like in dancing, Instead of creating a step, The beautiful dancers simply follow the momentum. It should be effortless and natural, It should be you! Bangkok, Thailand 2017 All of us are working towards a vision for our children. When we create that world - What do you want to tell your children? “Be present! Appreciate and embrace what we’ve created for you!” Out of the respect for the struggle they’ve gone through to get us here! And as a child of my ancestors, I obey. Turpan, Xinjiang, China 2017 Bonus from Oprah (Chopra21 Day Meditation on “Activating the Hope Inside You” ) “let life carry you, don’t try to carry it” “life is the dancer, and you are the dance” EVENTS In order to heal, and build resilience, we strongly encourage to attend other CandleX events CandleX Rooftop yoga Travel to Grow- National Holiday to Thailand CANDLEX"S RESOURCES CandleX Classroom Depression stories from our community members CandleX Column | My Story with Depression A CandleX’s production on Depression The Tiny Little Box | A Documentary on Depression #Beijing #mentalhealth #china #depression

It was back in 2014. I met her at a dance event in Korea. Nobody there knew that my life had almost ended 4 days before the event. I certainly didn’t know that hers was going to end 6 months after the event. We both had depression. I made it through. She didn’t. I invited Sam to write this story because she shall not be forgotten, because we could have done better, and because there are still lives hanging on a thread that can be saved. It’s been 2 years. But it never felt too far. Candlex really grew out of the crack between life and death. This is one of the stories that lit CandleX. Reading, editing and talking about this story with my friend, the author Sam, has brought back so much emotion that had already settled. There have been many times in life that I have wondered if I will be forgotten when I am gone. You must have wondered the same. “Rest in Peace, Amy. You are never forgotten“ –Xiaojie Author | Sam Editor | Xiaojie I stepped into the apartment. There she was, pale and still, lying on the bed. I was in such shock that I could feel my head start to spin and my body becoming disoriented. I had to breathe consciously and focus on what needed to be done as rationally as possible. The hours that followed seemed such a blur. I just remember slowly the police coming, the media arriving with cameras, friends supporting me, and then it was declared: Amy was dead. Amy (I changed her name for privacy reasons) was around the age of 30, with a talent for art and design, she made her living through freelance graphic design projects. She was a quiet and timid girl, but also had a good sense of humor and a smile on her face. We met each other through a dance community and I noticed she had a sparkle in her eye whenever we danced together. I have been part of a dance community for many years, and through this, have had the pleasure of meeting people from a variety of backgrounds, cultures and professions. Amy was a lovely person and didn’t seem to have any more troubles in her life than anyone else. We enjoyed dancing together at social events, and would have the occasional conversation, before one of us was asked to dance for the next song. She was pleasant, kind and gentle and I grew fond of her as time passed, even though we never became friends outside of the social dance events. Every now and then during a social I would notice Amy sitting in the corner, alone, looking a little down. Sometimes I would ask her for a dance and this would bring a brief smile to her face before she returned to her slumped position in the corner. Other times it was worse and she would have tears in her eyes and people crowded around her, but in contrast to this at other times she was full of life and energy. Initially I judged her as a person to be emotionally unstable, and as my own personal experiences with people in the same condition didn’t end positively, I decided to keep my distance. With this prejudgement in mind I noticed other signals, like emotional outbursts via Facebook statuses where she pleaded people for help and I simply labeled this as attention-seeking behaviour. One evening at a dance social, Amy was in another slump and so I asked her what the problem was. To my surprise she opened up and told me some of her troubles. It was then that I realised that maybe this wasn’t attention seeking and there was possibly something more going on. However, I wasn’t sure and I was still defensive and skeptical. But when she said she had suicidal thoughts and that she had already attempted to commit suicide, alarm bells rang in my head. However, she was clearly ashamed of herself and distraught about what had happened to her and she begged that I didn’t tell anyone else. My empathetic and compassionate nature kicked in and I gave her my word. A week later she rang me unexpectedly and was crying on the phone, saying she didn’t know whom to turn to and she divulged her thoughts and said how scared she was. I calmed her down and gave her some general advice, but more importantly I thought she should seek a professional therapist. I gave her the contact details of a therapist I knew and offered my support suggesting we meet for coffee. Numerous times she cancelled at the last minute saying she was too weak to get out of bed, or that she couldn’t face anyone. I said it wasn’t a problem, but when I pressed her about contacting the therapist she replied that she hadn’t yet. Weeks passed and I heard nothing from Amy, but one night I got a call from her boyfriend Luke (name is changed for privacy reason), saying he’d received a video from Amy. The video contained her last words and that she was going to kill herself. He wasn’t in the country at the time and so I rushed to her apartment. Luke gave me the code to enter, and I stepped into the apartment… For some time afterwards I couldn’t sleep as the image of her appeared in my mind every time I closed my eyes. I lost my appetite, I couldn’t perform in my profession and I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it for some time afterwards. That night is something I will never forget, but the most profound thought that stayed with me afterwards was that I wished I had done more for her. I can never bring Amy back, however I can tell you my story in hope it provides support in some way. I am fully aware that everyone with depression has a varying intensity of symptoms, and Amy reached breaking point with the monsters (as she described them) that were in her head. In her last words she apologised that she never went to the therapist and maybe if she had the strength to do so things may have been different. When I heard that sentence it struck a chord with me… why didn’t I take her to the therapist myself? Maybe if I had and had not kept my distance she would be alive today! I will never be able to predict what would have happened in such a hypothetical situation, but I hope that my story can encourage others in such positions to act rather than not. It still may not make a difference, and to a certain extent the outcome is not the responsibility of objective bystanders, but of the individual with the condition. However, trying to help in any way possible may be a catalyst towards positive change for those who suffer. Every now and then, I think about Amy. Not that I knew her well, but we were both on that fine line between life and death. Sometimes I take a moment to notice these ordinary things: the rays of sunshine, my desk at work, the smile on my friends’ faces, and my mom and dad’s voices on the other side of the phone… I was ready to let go of all of this for peace of mind. Now I appreciate each day that I am connected to this crazy wild world. Each day is a gift. Being here now, I wish I could tell her that there is an end even, I know you can’t feel it. Now for the rest of us, this is more than a story. This is a lesson! This is an alarm for us to know the symptons of depression (go to our depression symptoms lesson for the full list), to know how we can support friends with depression, to understand the red flags and step in. Stay with them, save a life. -Xiaojie #depression #beijing #bipolar #China

Today on December 14th, 2017 We released our eighth photobook in Los Angeles As part of our MoodLab project aimed to raise awareness for bipolar disorder. Some depression patients display symptoms that are considered risks factors for progression to bipolar disorder. According to Dr. Vladimir Maletic’s newest research findings, these people should warrant special clinical attention. I pay special attention to this Because in my peer support group Some participants with bipolar disorder have gone through that progression Most were unaware of it until diagnosis Awareness is the foundation for prevention I’d like to recount a story that we published in 2016. A story about the models, Enoch and Tim, who were invited to our studio for this photography campaign. Behind their beautiful photograph is a story of how Tim supported Enoch through times of struggle. Enoch is the founder and director of Berapy, our partner for the One Model One Story initiative. I’d like to invite you to read it with a cup of hot tea With the comfort in your sofa Here it goes A refuge of support A place to rest our minds A space to let our tears flow Just lay here with me A story of love Xiaojie Dec 2017 About the Models Name: Enoch Li Name : Timothy Coghlan Country of Origin: Hong Kong, China Country of Origin: Australia Time in Beijing: Since 2009 Time in Beijing: 2001 for a while, since 2009 Occupation: Play Consultant, Bearapy Occupation: Consultant A story of husband and wife Partner in this Whole Ideal Make a Donation to Bipolar Art Book #Beijing #depression #bipolar

Today's story comes from Nochy, who sees herself as a giggle pot, a perfectionist, a bossy wife, the Bearalist, a fan of Dr Seuss, and an expert in making fish face impressions. Occasionally she works as a play consultant and writes about mental health issues, based in Beijing A simple search on the Internet gives you a list of symptoms as loss of motivation, loss of appetite, lethargy, suicide ideations etc… But these as a matter of fact theories do not do sufferers of depression any justice as to the hell they go through. Other sufferers probably describe it differently. Some say the “dark dog", some say the "bottomless pit of hell." For me, it was "snow"... In the worst days, I felt trapped under 50 feet of snow after an avalanche. I could not breathe, I was squished, I could not move, I didn’t know what was going on, and I couldn’t push out or up however hard I tried. I could however, see people watching me trapped, telling me not to panic, that help is on the way. They tried to distract me from focusing on my immediate situation. They tried to tell me that I would get out soon. They tried to tell me there were others in more destitute circumstances than me. No use. I was trapped. I felt I was trapped. I felt there was no way out as the once beautiful snowflakes on my eyelashes solidified into boulders around me, against me. It became all dark, blindingly dark with the luminosity of the snow reflecting the sun. It stung my eyes. Whatever anyone told me, my reality to myself was that I was trapped, and that there was no way out. Source: By Dai Cameron & Noch Noch in “Pull Yourself Together” I was freezing, and it was excruciating. I was drenched in somber darkness, or is it brightness, and it just kept getting darker and deeper and darker and deeper and suddenly brighter and even more confusing. I couldn’t understand why I was stuck and why I couldn’t get out. I see the avalanche snowballing but there is no energy in my bones to run away. I couldn't lift a finger. I hated myself for tumbling down and getting stuck. So the most appropriate thing to do then, in that trapped logic, was to die instead of going through the torture of confinement. This is how it felt for me. Perhaps this is the reason why I developed some claustrophobic tendencies and do not enjoy small places, or large venues with crowds and little personal space. Crushed under, nowhere to go. One can’t simply snap out from under 50 feet of snow. It is no joke. In a destitute form like this, only we can lift ourselves up, and out. Source: By Dai Cameron & Noch Noch in “Pull Yourself Together” Today yes, today I still feel like this sometimes, mulling over why I even bother to write. What's the point of it all? But at least, I now know it's possible to get out of this snow box bit by bit, and manage the pain and ache I have inside. It can be done. (Originally publishedon NochNoch.com) If you'd like to share your stories and experience with depression, mania and/or severe anxiety or stress, please contact us at: info@candlex.org

This article is from CandleX column: My Story with Depression. This column is dedicated to raising awareness about depression and bipolar disorder through sharing personal stories, experiences, perspectives and reflections. All articles are written by CandleX community members. This one is written by Noch Noch Li. To me, depression is like a lock down! It’s when my body and mind protest in a most violent manner. When you are in that state, there’s nothing to appreciate, nothing to look forward to, until…. you get to the end of that tunnel, and start to analyze what happened. Here’s my own reflection: We all are taught from a young age to speak in a certain way, to act in a certain way, or even to like or dislike specific things. The voice of our inner being is repressed as we grow older, and we slowly get lost in the society that has expectations of us. Depression is the last call for awakening, in a very powerful and violent way. It tells me to respect my feelings over the rules, and it tells me to listen to my desires, and not to merely control them. Thank you, depression. Depression changed my life – for the better. This was unexpected. My physical pains and emotional agony were my wakeup call from a life I did not choose to live. It was my heart’s way of vying for attention, because I had ignored the small voice inside of me for so long. The endeavour to be what others wanted me to be, to chisel into perfection the image society would laud and honour, over exerted my soul, body, and mind. I had had enough. But I was stubborn and did not take a break. So mini-me decided to stomp on the emergency breaks as protest. I collapsed like an air statue suddenly devoid of helium. Had it not been for depression, I might still be running on a treadmill aimlessly, going nowhere, and doing something I did not love, even though I was good at it. I could have experienced a more severe breakdown. Every time I think of those inexplicable, dark, murky days in which I could not control my thoughts, emotions or behaviour, consumed by lassitude and anguish, my heart muscle winces. It is not an experience I wish to go through again or wish on anyone. Source: Rekki Miyamoto Yet, self-tortuous as I am, I do sometimes think I should relive those days. If I had known about depression, and the metamorphosis I would undergo, I would have let myself embrace the destitute hopelessness to a fuller extent to reap the lessons more patiently. Instead, I was in a hurry to get out of the state. I was frustrated at having to take anti-depressants every day. I was angry with myself for not being able to “pull myself together” when everyone told me to. I did not understand what I was going through. However, when I was livid, distressed, in grief, in despair, in manic tears, in a tantrum, or simply rotting on my couch, I was also at my most expressive. Words tumbled out in my mind, thoughts penetrated through the subconscious, and suppressed emotions blossomed. I wish I had written more of that down instead of swearing at my journal. I re-read one of the entries and all it said was “F**k this and f**k that and f**k life”. But there is no going back, and I do not regret how I faced this dark monster. Indeed, I have qualms with painting such a bleak picture of depression. For a long time, I placed it across the enemy lines and made depression an opponent – something I had to win over, had to be stronger than, and more powerful than. I tried to control depression. I tried to defeat it. However, that was exactly why depression consumed me. The more I fought, the more it entangled. The day I noticed the glimpse of aura (unlike the aura I saw at the onset of an excruciating migraine) beyond depression, the dark force shattered, fragment by fragment. Depression is not a foe; depression is a friend. As Buddha would say: pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. Depression is an angel, to bring a message, but in a way we do not expect and so we cast it out. We define it as negative because our learned conditional responses equate any pain or despair as negative. We hide under the comfort zone to commiserate with other victims of this illness. We judge it with preconceptions before it has had a chance to be heard. If I could, I would go through the same pain again. Only this time, I would not classify the pain as something to get rid of, nor would it be a treacherous shark. It was only by my own decision that I let the pain devour me. I would embrace the messages the pain wanted to deliver. I would listen to my body and my soul. I would look for the root causes of the situation instead of trying to get rid of the painful symptoms. The pain is neutral; my suffering and my verdict that depression was an enemy, was subjective. Source: Genius.com Once I opened up to it, listened to it, embraced it, depression became less threatening. Depression built my character, it reinforced self-awareness, it taught me to express my emotions, it brought me back writing, to cooking, and introduced me to Bearapy. Take your time. Let depression be a guiding light to a better understanding of your emotions, thoughts and behaviours. Let it build you, prepare you, train you to become greater than you dare imagine. You will get better. You will be better. And so again, thank you sickness, thank you depression. (Originally published on NochNoch.com) Today’s story comes from Nochy, who sees herself as a gigglepot, a perfectionist, a bossy wife, the Bearalist, a fan of Dr Seuss, and an expert in making fish face impressions. Occasionally she works as a play consultant and writes about mental health issues, based in Beijing If you’d like to share your stories and experience with depression, mania and/or severe anxiety or stress, please contact us at: infor@candlex.cn #depression #beijing #mentalhealth #China

Autumn of 2015, I was visiting New York City. I joined a walking tour, and the very interesting guide took us to one of the sites: The 911 Memorial. This is a very interesting memorial, instead of building something that goes upwards, the designers chose to build something that goes down into the earth. The water falls into this seemingly endless hole. As I looked down, a sense of loss, unknown, and confusion arose. After that, I went to the Battery Park at sunset, my thoughts started to flow, so I started writing them down on my cellphone. Why me? That's the question I keep asking again and again when going through my darkest depressive episodes. "I have tried to do everything right, I have a healthy diet, I’m careful about the friends that I make, I work hard, I explore my interests, I stay active, I stay away from bad relationships. Yet, I get into the darkest moments of life where the world collapses on me for no reason. What did I do to deserve all this? I have done everything I can and there is just no more left in me to change this. Out of all the illnesses in the world, why do I have to have this?" I felt like I was being buried alive and nobody was noticing. Why Me? Aeon I, Pere Ibañez, I.See.Dark. 2015 On top of all sadness, pain, numbness, loss of energy and words come the inability to smile or feel the existence of any kind of loving relationship, I let this abusive voice torture me endlessly. It's a daily monologue that my mind creates. It's a daily despair that I struggle with. It tells me that I have gone crazy inside. I See Dark, Pere Ibañez, I.See.Dark. 2015 (Both portrait pictures in this article are taken by friend of CandleX, Pere Ibanez. See end of the article for more information). It's hard to accept that I have bipolar disorders. For years, I didn’t even think about it myself. Obviously, ignoring it didn't make it go away. It came back to me, staring at and hunting me until I was in the corner and had to try to accept it, acknowledge it and learn to live with it. Very slowly, I have learned to challenge the abusive monologue that tells me that I am not enough, and ask: if I were my best friend, would I still get so angry with her when she’s feeling down and vulnerable? No, I would be gentle and say that I am here, and tell her that she is a wonderful person even though you absolutely don't feel like it. I would be patient and let her know that this shall pass. That was the moment I finally, finally, finally changed my perspective. I started to treat myself with compassion. Yes, sometimes in my life, I can’t be productive, confidant, fun and smart, and sometimes I seem to have lost interest in everything that I love. I seem bored, lazy, weak and like a zombie. It’s okay. It’s okay! Every day, many people in this world are told that they have cancer, or they lose their arms in a car accident, or they lose a loved one to a terrorist attack. Why them? Why anyone? We can't afford to keep asking "why me?" It traps us in trauma instead of helping us to learn a new coping mechanism. Perfection is the devil's voice that tells us that we are not enough. It pushes down whatever we build up, and it enslaves us. I don't know what abusive voices you may be experiencing. If you do hear it, just be your own best friend and know that you've been trying your best in life. Sometimes in the marathon of life, I have to crawl, and I don't seem to make any progress on the track. But now, I have learned to look at it a different way. As long as I am hanging in there, I am winning. This was my sunset writing at Battery Park in New York City, after visiting the 911 memorials. May all souls that have been going through trauma find peace. Reference and Special Recommendation: “I.See.Dark” is Pere Ibañez latest book and photo collection in 2015, it is an artistic exploration of mortality, fate, and strength in overcoming the unknown. Employing linguistic and visual cues from European witchcraft and folklore, Pere Ibañez creates a slow-burning narrative of fear and resistance in the face of challenge and despair. The book is available in digital and print formats through western iTunes and Amazon. Stay in touch with CandleX for more updates on events and workshops by scanning our QR code below. #mentalhealth #Beijing #depression #bipolar

Have you ever wonder: what life is like when you’re depressed or thought that nobody else could understand your own depression? The CandleX Column, My Story with Depression aims to tackle both of these questions. “I have read many online stories about depression during my own times of darkness. It’s always the positive ones that can hold me above water for that day, and then I read another one, and another day goes by, and another…until I crawl to the end of the tunnel where the light shines into my heart.” Xiaojie, Editor in Chief We’d like to invite you to write your own story. It could be about how you felt when you were going through depression, about how you helped a loved one through depression or about what you have learnt through your own experiences. Please read the following email. It is the email that we send to those who are interested in writing an article for this column. We hope that it will help to answer any questions you may have if you are considering writing an article for this column. Dear CandleX My Story Column Writers, We are pleased that you are interested in writing your personal story about depression. Please take a look at the following guidelines so as to enable you to write a story that best fits the style and needs of the CandleX audience. We believe that the healing power of sharing our own personal struggles and experiences with depression can help others to see light. We believe that through public speaking we can reduce the social stigma associated with mental illness. No misery should be denied or discriminated against. Goal Reflecting on and sharing your story so as to open hearts, strengthen and develop a more resilient community. Length 2-3 pages (without pictures) Fong Hei, size 12 Content Any content related to depression or bi-polar disorder. It could be your own feelings, experiences, perspectives, and learning. It could be stories of how you assisted a family member, friend or colleague that has depression. Make sure that your story has one key message, and one only. This will help the audience digest it and has a bigger impact on the reader. A key message could be one of the following (or anything you like): “I should not blame myself for feeling bad. Because feeling bad is part of life and should be allowed.” “I reached out for help, and that was the first step towards recovery” If you have more than 1 key message to send, you may submit more than 1 article. We believe we all have many stories to tell. So instead of squeezing them all into one story, rather write two or three or four… Do NOT Do not share other people’s story without their consent. Do not share other people’s names without their consent. Pictures Adding pictures makes the article more appealing to the reader. Please add 5 or more pictures that are relevant to the content. Be aware that if it’s a picture from you, you automatically give us the consent to use it. Please make sure that all people (whose face are recognizable) consent to the use of the picture. If it’s a picture from the internet, please make sure that the pictures are open source and everyone’s free to use them. Template Please write your article using our WeChat post template (attached to the email). Attach all original photos to the email you send us. Deadline Please finish your story within a month of receiving this letter Submit to info@candlex.cn Anonymity Please tick the box by entering an “X” (on the template) if you would like to stay anonymous. Consent to use your article We will publish your story on our website, WeChat and other social media accounts in order to raise awareness about depression. By submitting to us, you give us the consent to do so, with the knowledge that you will receive no remuneration. Feedback and Publication Feedback will be given within 15 days of submission. Once your article is reviewed and approved, we’ll schedule a date for publication. We want to thank you for having the courage, kindness, and strength to share your story with others. CandleX is an organization powered by community, and we are so very happy to have your support and trust. Together, we’ll bring light into the darkness. CandleX #Beijing #depression #mentalhealth #China

World events have put a stop of most of CandleX’ in-person activities, but that doesn’t mean we have ground to a halt! Online support groups, re-igniting old and starting new online mental health communities, kicking off our CBT online course club, and taking part in live online events are just a few ways that we have been keeping our movement going. On 30 June CandleX Founder took part in an online webinar panel discussion on mental health awareness, “How to stay resilient in the modern world”. Organised by startup grind, the world’s largest community of startups, founders, innovators, and creators, this event was billed as ‘not just another coronavirus mental health event’ and featured a discussion of the specific mental health challenges facing startups and small organisations. Alongside CandleX Founder and Director Xiaojie Qin, the event featured Enoch Li, former CandleX collaborator and Managing Director of Bearapy; host Sabrina Richardson, Director of Startup Grind Beijing; and Dalida Turkovic, Founder of Beijing Mindfulness Centre. The three expert speakers shared a whole host of tips and discussed their experiences as managers and mental health experts through targeted questions, a Q&A session, and some discussion. Here’s some of their most valuable tips: 1. Look after your own mental health first It is OK for managers and leaders to take a break if they need to: In fact, during stressful or uncertain times, it could be essential, Xiaojie argued using experiences from her own career. 2. Learn from conflicts Communication is key to maintain good mental health in the workplace, and conflict may even be positive if it allows a team to move forward. 3. Be aware of burnout The WHO has identified burnout as an “occupational phenomenon” and globally there is increasing recognition of this condition. Be aware of symptoms of burnout not just in the leader but in the whole team. 4. Practice mindfulness Mindfulness expert Dalida Turkovic explained how mindfulness, a technique a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, can be used as a therapeutic technique or a simple tool in the day to day. The above image is part of the “mindful inspiration” series by the Beijing Mindfulness Centre. 5. Take a break We’ve discussed the topic of self-care on this blog several times, but its importance can’t be overstated: Downtime, taking time for yourself, and leisure time were all highlighted as key mental health strategies during the event. 6. Give employees and collaborators space Startups are often led by managers who are extremely passionate about their role. But employees or collaborators may have different priorities, and recognising this and giving them space, clearly defined roles and letting them air their frustrations were techniques discussed by the experts to foster a healthy work environment. Have you joined our online course club yet? It’s starting next week – sign up with the QR code in the poster below. CandleX’s Resources Access the CandleX archive on depression and mental health Are you or a friend in a Crisis? Crisis Support CandleX on Twitter www.twitter.com/CandleX_Beijing/ Stories and writing from our community https://www.candlex.cn/blog/category/Community%20Writing Support Group Support Group Sign Ups

Hey CandleXers! We are launching an online learning club where a group of us will get together to take an online course. Here are the details: Fee: Free to sign up for the online course, and 100rmb to join the club (50rmb for students and people with income less than 8000rmb/month) Time: 15 July-31 Aug 2020 Time commitment of 3 hours/week for 5 weeks. To register, scan the QR code below. We will put you in the Wechat group. A quick note from our Director, Xiaojie: Can learning about psychology improve my mental wellbeing? With that question, I started on my journey of self-learning. It was in 2014 that my obsession with psychology and mental wellbeing started. Over the years, I have acquired a great amount of knowledge that have changed my thoughts and perspectives on this world, which have made me more at peace. On top of that, I have collected tools that have helped me through my own stormy days. To register, scan the QR code below. We will put you in the WeChat group.lped me to see more clearly how my thoughts influence my behaviors, and how that influences my feelings when I feel helpless about changing how I feel, I know I have more direct access to my behaviors and thoughts that influence how I feel. Recently, as I refresh my learning on CBT, it seems like a great idea to promote the learning of this tool so people can build up resilience, gaining more knowledge on supporting people around them. If you are a teenager or young adult exploring psychology, are deciding which major to go into as you progress in school, or you are just interested in how to use CBT in your own life, then this course might be for you. Xiaojie Director of CandleX CandleX is launching an online CBT course learning club, and mentor everyone’s online learning in a more interactive and tailored way to complete learner’s online course experience. In order to make that happen, we have chosen a free CBT online course on the FutureLearn platform, “Anxiety, Depression, and CBT,” that we all start at the same time. We’ve reviewed this course and recommend it due to the following considerations: 1. It’s free to enroll 2. There are fun exercises and games that you can do 3. The course is practical and easy with lots of talking and thinking points. Here’s the link to sign up: https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/anxiety-depression-and-cbt When you enroll, we will add you into the Wechat group, where we will confirm when to start. Here’s how it will work: 1. Scan the QR code to sign up on the course, pay the fee, and get added into our group: 2. Progress will be shared each day in our Wechat group, facilitated by a registered therapist. 3. Once a week, we’ll all get together in an hour-long webinar with our counsellor for a chat about how the course is going. 3. At the end of the program we will have a summary webinar with a clinical therapist who uses CBT in his sessions to further our understanding of CBT, and reflect on wat we have learnt. 4. When the course is over, we will all meet up for a Beijing-based dinner! **IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER**This course is not intended to be a self-help treatment for anyone experiencing anxiety or depression, nor can it be used to formally diagnose yourself or anyone else. What topics will be covered? Week 1 provides an introduction to how we perceive the world around us and how this relates to the Cognitive Behavioral approach to anxiety and depression. It explores how CBT can be delivered and the types of difficulties if can help. Week 2 looks at depression within a CBT framework, exploring what depression is (and is not) as well as highlighting commonly held myths and stereotypes around depression. Week 3 explores anxiety within a CBT framework. It covers the function and positive role of ‘normal’ anxiety exploring the difference between ‘normal’ anxiety and anxiety disorders. Week 4 focuses on how behaviour changes in anxiety and depression and how these changes can maintain difficulties and how CBT techniques are used in therapy to address them. Week 5 focuses on ‘cognitions’ or thoughts; specifically the types of thoughts which commonly occur in anxiety and depression, how they maintain difficulties and what CBT techniques are used in therapy to address them.

We’ve made it quick and convenient for you to manage your blog from anywhere. In this blog post we’ll share the ways you can post to your Wix Blog. Blogging from Your Wix Blog Dashboard On the dashboard, you have everything you need to manage your blog in one place. You can create new posts, set categories and more. To head to your Dashboard, open the Wix Editor and click on Blog > Posts. Blogging from Your Published Site Did you know that you can blog right from your published website? After you publish your site, go to your website’s URL and login with your Wix account. There you can write and edit posts, manage comments, pin posts and more! Just click on the 3 dot icon ( ⠇) to see all the things you can do. #bloggingtips #WixBlog

Since the very start, we have wanted CandleX to be a platform for sharing stories and advice about mental health. Throughout previous projects, such as Moodlab, where we produced a series of story on bipolar disorder and our recent Letters to Parents series, we have focused on real-life experiences and stories of people living with mental health conditions, and of young people as they learn more about themselves. Now, for, we are putting all of these projects together under an expanded umbrella project we are calling Community Writing. Mental health matters. Your stories matter. CandleX community matters. That’s why this new project will bring together all our community stories, interviews, and submitted writing, and will expand to cover more types of submitted writing too. Lots of you have been enjoying our Open Letters to Parents Series in which some brave young people share the letters they have always wanted to write to their parents. We’re expanding this to include any letter that our young writers would like to share and change the name to “Teens Open Letter, part of Community Writing”. It also includes community interviews on topics related to mental health: "My Stories, My Emotions"(originally named “My Depression, My Story”), a series of first-person accounts of living with mental illness in Beijing, and other community-submitted stories about mental health. To see the stories, keep following our WeChat account or check out the new tab on our website: www.candlex.cn Do you have a story to tell that could inspire, educate, or engage our Beijing-based audience? Get in touch and send us writing by e-mail or WeChat. If you haven’t already, don’t forget to follow us on Twitter at @CandleX_Beijing to read more about what we get up to! #communitywriting #teens #depression #mentalhealth

This week, we are reposting a blog from Joel Lewin, a journalist turned counselor and recovering addict. This piece was originally posted on https://recovereads.com/2019/01/08/mind-reading-screws-you-up-stop/ when the author was in recovery for heroin addiction. To read more from Joel, tap “Read more” below. I was in a meeting. It was a brief, informal meeting, a get-to-know-you meeting with an editor at a job I’d just started. He asked me a friendly question about Russia because we’d both spent time there. Before I began to answer, there was an explosion of thoughts in my head. Nothing to do with Russia. All to do with me, or more specifically what this guy would think of me as a result of this response I was yet to even formulate, let alone utter. “You're going to say something stupid,” I said to myself, “You’re going to humiliate yourself… he’s going to think you’re stupid… he already thinks you’re stupid…just look at the way he’s looking at you… “what’s wrong with this guy?” he is thinking to himself.” It was quite a cacophony, and it only got louder as I began to speak. Then I felt my heart racing. That’s when shit got real. That was always when shit got real when I felt the little guy accelerate to an alarming pace. And now we have a secondary disturbance. I start saying to myself, “I’m so anxious… I shouldn’t be anxious… he can see I’m anxious… [has he got a heart rate monitor in his eyes?] He thinksI’m weak and weird for being anxious”. The heartbeats harder. Sweat on my back. “Now I’ve blown it…” [what was there to blow?? It’s a friendly chat!] “He can see I’m noteworthy of this job. He’s wondering how the hell I got it in the first place. They can all see I’m a nutcase. I’m going to be fired before I’ve even started.” My heart hammered even harder, and the harder he hammered the more negative the thoughts were projecting into this editor’s mind became. The distress was both physical and psychological. I felt an overwhelming urge to escape. *** In reality, nothing much had happened. Just a conversation, maybe a little bit disjointed, but conversations often are. But after that meeting, I felt despair. I felt hopeless. I had stopped using drugs for a few weeks before starting that job because it meant a lot to me and I wanted to do well. “I thought things were supposed to get better without drugs!” I said to myself afterward. But that excruciating anxiety and the ensuing despair lead me back to the only coping mechanism (I thought) I could rely on- drugs. I resolved to never enter that office again without enough opiates to ensure I was insulated from those experiences. It may sound ridiculous, and the thought process is ridiculous looking back. But when you're in it it’s powerful and it’s painful and it’s overwhelming. *** Cognitive Behavioural Therapy says that it’s not external events that cause our feelings, but rather our thoughts and beliefs about those events. So by changing our thoughts, we can change our feelings. The situation above is an example of mind-reading, one of a number of cognitive distortions that can warp the way we perceive things. These distortions tend to reinforce negative thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves, others and the world. When engaging in mind-reading we jump to conclusions about what other people are thinking and feeling with little or no evidence. Mind-reading is a dangerous cognitive distortion. It can cause social anxiety when we take our own feelings of self-doubt and project them onto others, assuming they’re thinking the same things about us, further smashing our self-worth. It can ruin relationships. For example, your partner is late to meet you for dinner. You think that he’s thinking he’s tired of you and you’re not worth it. You feel angry and instigate an argument. Really he was just busy at work. It is impossible to ever truly know and fully understand what someone else is thinking. They probably don’t even really know themselves. The best we can do is interpret the imperfect signals conveyed through their words, tone and body language. This process is especially unreliable when your mind is rattled by strong emotion and the unfamiliar experience of sobriety. Mind-reading is a minefield in the early days of recovery. So what can you do about it? Awareness is the first step. When you’re anxious and you feel you’re being judged, or you're angry and you feel someone’s behavior is a personal attack, take a step back and become aware of your thinking. Recognizing these thoughts are easier said than done. Sometimes they come so automatically spark intense emotional reactions so rapidly that we hardly notice them mediating between the event and the emotions. When you are able to identify your mind-reading, begin to interrogate the thoughts. How realistic are they? What’s the evidence for and against them? When we start to see that thoughts are just guesses, they become less powerful and controlling. They yield to questioning more readily and it becomes easier to let go of the unhelpful ones. Explore other possibilities. Say, for example, you arrive at work, and you smile at your boss but he just ignores you and walks straight past. You think, “He’s pissed-off with me. He thinks I’m crap at my job.” Fear and despondency set in. But if you look at the other possibilities, “He might be stressed out with a lot on his mind,” you aren’t lumped with the same emotional consequences. You probably won't even remember it in five minutes. I wish I could go back and help my younger self understand mind reading and smash those irrational beliefs. It might have saved me a lot of pain, years of addiction. So yeah, change your thoughts to change your feelings. Thanks for reading our latest blog! - CandleX #mystorywithdepression #mentalhealth #depression #bipolardisorder #psychologicalsupport #anxiety #suicideprevention